The Nutella Waffle Adventure Part II: Dracula’s Viagra

Date: Fri. 10/22/10
Food: Waffles with Nutella, glass of milk
Eat Time: 1:00 am
Sleep Time: 1:30 am
Woke up: 11:30am

After I got done with the waffle, the doorbell rings, and it’s one of my friends I’ve known since pre-school, but haven’t seen since he got engaged. I was a bit standoffish at first, since he kind of disappeared the very day he got engaged and I didn’t even hear about his wedding until after it was over, but we decided on a whim to go visit the high school we went to. My brother came along too.

Along the side of my high school, following the path that leads to the football field, they added a whole new wing and gym. That wasn’t for a while after I graduated though, and in the dream, that part of the school was as it was when I went there. However, there was an addition right before the football field. Here’s a shot of the entrance to our football field. In the dream, instead of going over that bridge, they built a huge building with an open arc-shaped front to act as the entrance. Here’s a rough sketch of what it looked like. Enjoy that, I spent all day making it.

When we got inside, it turned out to be a giant shopping center, filled with Cresskill Cougar athletic and school wear. The further we walked into it, the bigger it got, impossibly big for the area it was supposed to have been built on. We talked about how it was disgusting that they turned the whole wooded area into a shopping mall.

As we continued, the dream began to take more of a movie feel again, and I decided once again to have fun with it. We decided we were going to fuck with the people here in response to the building of this shopping mall. It seemed like forever, but we reached the end of the mall. This part was less developed and seemed like it was still under construction. Apparently, at the end was this old and very large tower, like medieval style made with cobblestone. The idea was that it was being renovated and modernized for celebrity living quarters. Because of this, there were some very large elevators in it. Also, the celebrities they had there were not only regular famous people, but also famous fictional characters, like classic movie monsters.

At the bottom of the large circular elevator shaft was the storage area, however, instead of building maintenance tools, they had props, memorabilia, and relics from all the different personalities that resided in the upper apartments. We grabbed a few plastic bags we found lying around and decided we were going to steal a bunch of this stuff. In one cabinet, I found a bottle of pills prescribed to Dracula and they turned out to be Viagra. Guess that’s what happens when you’re 10 centuries old.

So anyway, my friend and my brother decided to go upstairs to see what they could fuck up and one of them must have gotten in trouble because I began to hear a lot of commotion from the floors above. I decided to go up after them and find out what was going on. There were only a few people walking around who worked there and I walked past one of them to get to the elevator. I managed to get past most of them just by acting like I knew what I was doing, but when I got into the elevator, this one turned around and said, “Um… Excuse me?”, and stuck his head in the elevator door. It turned out to be Jeffery Tambor, and he even had a lot of the same mannerisms his characters usually portray.

I looked at the panel and it had a listing of which celebrities lived on which floor. I looked back and said, “Oh, Mr. Dracula is the ninth, right?” He continued to look at me in a baffled manner as the door began to close on him. He held it up and said, “You can’t be in here.” During this time, there was still audible yelling and banging going on above our heads from upstairs, so I reached into the plastic bag of stuff I stole from storage, pulled out the Viagra bottle and said, “Well, I’m sure you can hear it, but it sounds like he's having some trouble.” He continued looking at me incredulously as the door slowly closed between us, this time completely.

When I got upstairs, I ran out of the elevator and started heading towards the noise when I passed a room with an open door. I saw my friend sitting on a stool, eating antipasto. I stopped and turned back, and as I looked further into the room, I saw Mike Tyson sitting behind him in a recliner, looking at magazines that were filled with pictures of himself. I walked in and said, “We have to find Matt (my brother). I hear some noise going on upstairs and it’s probably him.” My friend cut me off, saying, “Wait, you have to try this antipasto, it’s amazing.” So I try some and it is quite amazing. Mike Tyson comes over with his goofy voice, saying, “That’s pepperoni flown straight over from Naples.” I respond with, “Wow, this is amazing, what kind of cheese is this?” Before he can answer, I wake up.