Wednesday, September 14, 2011


I keep having crazy ass dreams after I eat a big meal and go to sleep. I've been fucked up for the past couple of days because I put my cat in the oven yesterday morning.

I also feel like someone punched me in the stomach and I have a crazy dump the next day too.

Monday, September 12, 2011

I always have weird dreams when I go over to visit my family in PA, but I usually don't remember them...

Date: Friday, 9/9/11
Food: Grilled chicken, sweet potatoes, broccoli
Eat: ~9:30 p.m.
Sleep: 12:30
Woke up: 10 am

Okay I don't remember much of this dream, actually I only remember one part. I was sitting in one of the bathrooms upstairs in my mom's house, facing a mirror. I've got a towel on my head like im about to do my hair or something, and I pull the towel off and my hair is really long and really brown. My sister is like, oh it looks cool doesn't it? And I'm upset because she dyed and grew my hair without asking me.

I don't remember anything after that.

The Nutella Waffle Adventure Part II: Dracula’s Viagra

Date: Fri. 10/22/10
Food: Waffles with Nutella, glass of milk
Eat Time: 1:00 am
Sleep Time: 1:30 am
Woke up: 11:30am

After I got done with the waffle, the doorbell rings, and it’s one of my friends I’ve known since pre-school, but haven’t seen since he got engaged. I was a bit standoffish at first, since he kind of disappeared the very day he got engaged and I didn’t even hear about his wedding until after it was over, but we decided on a whim to go visit the high school we went to. My brother came along too.

Along the side of my high school, following the path that leads to the football field, they added a whole new wing and gym. That wasn’t for a while after I graduated though, and in the dream, that part of the school was as it was when I went there. However, there was an addition right before the football field. Here’s a shot of the entrance to our football field. In the dream, instead of going over that bridge, they built a huge building with an open arc-shaped front to act as the entrance. Here’s a rough sketch of what it looked like. Enjoy that, I spent all day making it.

When we got inside, it turned out to be a giant shopping center, filled with Cresskill Cougar athletic and school wear. The further we walked into it, the bigger it got, impossibly big for the area it was supposed to have been built on. We talked about how it was disgusting that they turned the whole wooded area into a shopping mall.

As we continued, the dream began to take more of a movie feel again, and I decided once again to have fun with it. We decided we were going to fuck with the people here in response to the building of this shopping mall. It seemed like forever, but we reached the end of the mall. This part was less developed and seemed like it was still under construction. Apparently, at the end was this old and very large tower, like medieval style made with cobblestone. The idea was that it was being renovated and modernized for celebrity living quarters. Because of this, there were some very large elevators in it. Also, the celebrities they had there were not only regular famous people, but also famous fictional characters, like classic movie monsters.

At the bottom of the large circular elevator shaft was the storage area, however, instead of building maintenance tools, they had props, memorabilia, and relics from all the different personalities that resided in the upper apartments. We grabbed a few plastic bags we found lying around and decided we were going to steal a bunch of this stuff. In one cabinet, I found a bottle of pills prescribed to Dracula and they turned out to be Viagra. Guess that’s what happens when you’re 10 centuries old.

So anyway, my friend and my brother decided to go upstairs to see what they could fuck up and one of them must have gotten in trouble because I began to hear a lot of commotion from the floors above. I decided to go up after them and find out what was going on. There were only a few people walking around who worked there and I walked past one of them to get to the elevator. I managed to get past most of them just by acting like I knew what I was doing, but when I got into the elevator, this one turned around and said, “Um… Excuse me?”, and stuck his head in the elevator door. It turned out to be Jeffery Tambor, and he even had a lot of the same mannerisms his characters usually portray.

I looked at the panel and it had a listing of which celebrities lived on which floor. I looked back and said, “Oh, Mr. Dracula is the ninth, right?” He continued to look at me in a baffled manner as the door began to close on him. He held it up and said, “You can’t be in here.” During this time, there was still audible yelling and banging going on above our heads from upstairs, so I reached into the plastic bag of stuff I stole from storage, pulled out the Viagra bottle and said, “Well, I’m sure you can hear it, but it sounds like he's having some trouble.” He continued looking at me incredulously as the door slowly closed between us, this time completely.

When I got upstairs, I ran out of the elevator and started heading towards the noise when I passed a room with an open door. I saw my friend sitting on a stool, eating antipasto. I stopped and turned back, and as I looked further into the room, I saw Mike Tyson sitting behind him in a recliner, looking at magazines that were filled with pictures of himself. I walked in and said, “We have to find Matt (my brother). I hear some noise going on upstairs and it’s probably him.” My friend cut me off, saying, “Wait, you have to try this antipasto, it’s amazing.” So I try some and it is quite amazing. Mike Tyson comes over with his goofy voice, saying, “That’s pepperoni flown straight over from Naples.” I respond with, “Wow, this is amazing, what kind of cheese is this?” Before he can answer, I wake up.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Nutella Intermission - Ed Harris' Donut

Date: Tue. 12/13/10
Food: Soft Tacos
Eat Time: 10:30 am
Sleep Time: 1:15 am
Woke up: 8:00am

I don’t really remember if this is how the dream started or if a previous dream made the transition into this one, but I was in my backyard and I heard a lot of commotion coming one or two houses over. In my dreams, my block is considerably larger than it is in real life, I guess kind of how I saw it when I was really little. It’s really slightly larger than a track, and shaped the same way too, with two rows of houses where the football field would be and the track being the road.

So I go into my neighbor’s backyard and begin walking along the line where the backyards of our row meet the backyards of the row behind us. I get two houses down, which should be the end of the block, but instead I see this giant glass office looking building in the middle of the yards. I remember thinking at this point in the dream, “Oh yeah, I heard about them doing some new construction in town.” Despite how rich ass rich my town is, we have like, one franchise business currently operating. This building was supposed to whore our town out for more corporate enterprises or something. For some reason, I knew that the upper floors were apartments, and I thought that this could be a good place to look so that I could finally move out of my parents’ house.

Anyway, I walked in and the first floor was this very fancy looking café, with nice marble floors and big glass containers showing off extravagant and incredibly expensive pastries. For some strange reason, as I explored, I began feeling very dazed. I wandered to one area near the front door (I had apparently come in the side entrance) and off to the side, there was an area that wasn’t roped off, but it seemed to be denoted as its own section by four large pillars. In the center of this area, there was a square section of the floor, about 12x12 feet which was cut from the rest of the floor. This turned out to be some kind of automatic elevator, the kind you might seen in Doom or some other early FPS game; a platform which just slowly moved up and down.

I stepped onto it and it went down into the floor, revealing a dark hallway in front of me. I didn’t go into it, and when I turned around, one of the employees was behind me. He looked and sounded peeved and said in a very condescending manner that I couldn’t go down here. By the time he was done chastising me, the elevator had gone back up to the ground floor again. He walked me off the platform and I suddenly got very angry. I started yelling at the employee, purposefully being loud to cause a scene. I felt deeply wronged in some way or another, either because of how condescendingly he spoke to me or how douchey he was in general. I can’t remember exactly what everything I said was, but the main point was that there was no sign noting the area as employees only, so they should put one up before they start denigrating customers, especially when they live 30 yards away and it’s their first day open.

So as this happened, the “camera” switched perspectives from me to two shady looking characters. One of them was Ed Harris wearing a fedora; the other was who I understood to be his lackey, though I can’t remember if he was also an actor. He bought a delicious looking donut with chocolate drizzle and glazes and all types of icing on it. It was the donut I had my eye on earlier. The scene cut from the ground floor to a few floors up, as they had apparently taken one of the apartments. It was quite small, only one room which was a mixture of a bathroom, kitchen, and den. It had one window and an old styled wood-burning stove in the corner. Attached to this stove by a gas-line was a Bunsen burner, which he was going to use to heat his donut up. As he did this, they were discussing matters of an underhanded nature, but were cryptic about it.

Before he could heat his donut (I guess he liked it Krispy Kreme fresh while discussing mob matters), the pilot light went out and the gas began leaking. As if this were some old trick that everyone knew, his friend cracked the window and Ed Harris hung the burner out of it. He took this old zippo-styled lighter from his overcoat and held it out with the burner. He began sparking the lighter which wouldn’t catch and as he did so, the “camera” began zooming in on the line where the gas was leaking out. As it did so, this ominous feeling began to swell until the dream stopped, quickly cutting to black. I don’t recall if I woke up or went to another dream.